Solutions

The Suit buzzword of the noughties just has to be "solution". Every product and service is a "solution", not a mundane product or service. This came to mind because I've just spent a couple of days looking for an 'Image Management System' (ie image library software) and got seriously fed up with seeing "solution" used everywhere instead of the plain old word "software". The only honourable exception to this was Cerious, makers of ThumbsPlus, on whose website the word didn't appear once. Some of the choicest nuggets were:

"Picdar: digital asset management and workflow solutions" (www.picdar.com).

"At Oxford ArchDigital (OAD) we provide information management solutions" (oxarchdigital.com)

"Extensis Portfolio solutions empower your digital assets" (www.extensis.com). "Empower" an "asset"? The faux verb "to empower" is bad enough - 80s right-on-niks, of which I was one, are responsible for that abortion entering the language - but how can you "empower a digital asset"? Gordon Bennett!

The best of all, though, and deserved winner of the prize (sorry, incentivisation solution) for most ludicrous use of "solution", is:

"Ibase: your total solution" (www.ibase.com) - WTF is a "total solution"? A universal solvent? Something that will solve any problem anywhere anytime? God? How can image management software be a "total solution"? Where the feck does "total" come into it? Will it cure my gout/willie-rash/hives/depression/leprosy? Will it bring peace, wealth and happiness and solve all my emotional needs?

From the same bright-eyed sharp-suited empty-headed cretins who brought us "leverage" as a verb ("use" is just sooooo twencen), and "to architect" because "to build" was obviously way too uncool.